HiddenMindz

JessicaGena

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My Own Funeral by HiddenMindz, literature

Literature

My Own Funeral

Last night I had this dream. I was standing in the pouring down rain, Watching my own funeral. My brother and my husband were the only ones there. Little brother placed a white rose with a note saying "Why?" across my body. Jacob put his ring around a chain and draped it around my neck. He bent down and kissed me goodbye. The whole time I was screaming "I'm still here! I'm still here!" Then it flashed to my mother's. They were all talking. My dad said he was suprised that it didnt happen sooner "She was just a junkie." Mother said she didn't want to go. "She was dead inside long ago." Little Brother was the only one to stand

brandon love- long lost letter by HiddenMindz, literature

Literature

brandon love- long lost letter

that afternoon, my freshman year, i cut class and called bri. when the last bell rang i got to my locker threw my shit in there and grabbed my bag. when i got outside i saw sabrina in the parking lot and when i saw you my heart skiped a beat. i knew from that day on that i was falling hard and fast for you. there you were sitting in that dark blue ford ranger. sabrina made me sit in the middle and when we shook hands i felt sparks fly through my body which brought an instant smile to my face. in that split second i fell for you. but you and dee had just split and you were all torn up for that and i was willing to wait. and it paid off. a

Undying Memory by HiddenMindz, literature

Literature

Undying Memory

Its been so long. Why does it still haunt me? Six years, four months, Twenty one days, Two hours, and thirty four minutes. Get out of my head! Im married now, So why doesnt it leave me alone? Peaceful nights sleep, His arms around me. Thats all I want. This memory ofo a single moment in time Is a black hole that sucks the life out of me. Its 252am and Im watching him sleep. I should be by his side, Instead Im sitting here with tears in my eyes. He swears he can protect me, keep me safe, But can he save me from a memory I cant escape? Can he protect me from my past? During the day, I know Im safe no matter what, I can st

i found him? by HiddenMindz, literature

Literature

i found him?

you swore youd never hurt me. but you did you lied to me you made me cry. But worst of all you took what was mine. you took the one thing that was truely mine. you stole my faith in finding true love. then he came along. he gave it back he loves me for me and has some how showed me how to love again without even knowing thank you for losing me. without that i couldnt have found him

He's Just a Memory by HiddenMindz, literature

Literature

He's Just a Memory

He's just a memory, Stuck on replay. A memory I can't run from. A memory that's always there. He's just a memory. He's just a memory Mocking the game. A memory that sits back and laughs. A memory that won't let me breathe. He's just a memory. He's just a memory That's slowly killing me. A memory I put so much into A memory that is just a lie. He's just a memory. He's just a memory That's slowly vanishing.

Here We Go Again by HiddenMindz, literature

Literature

Here We Go Again

I can finally breathe. Its slowly getting easier each day. Getting out of bed, Starting the day with out you. Putting the pieces back in order as Your face is fading from my everyday thoughts. Your scent is finally gone. Things are looking up, Theres even a new crush or two. Who knows if we'll ever see each other again, But if I see you, I'll say hi, Remembering what good times we had. Thanks for the memories.

Nights Like Tonight by HiddenMindz, literature

Literature

Nights Like Tonight

Nights like tonight hurt more than ever. So quiet. So alone. So tired of the nightly tears. I still feel you next to me. I still here the soft whisper of your voice. Tonight I thought about all the fun times we had together And it made me sick. I wanted to hate you for moving on. You arent supposed to be happy. You are the one that ruined it So why am I the only one who still cares? You love kept me going Now whats going to happen? You once told me youd marry me when the time was right, Then you say I made you want to die Because YOU felt helpless. YOU felt helpless? Imagine what I was feeling. Did it ever occur to you to b

untitled yet again by HiddenMindz, literature

Literature

untitled yet again

She sits by the window, Patiently waiting for him. Her heart explodes like thunder as Shes drowning in emotion, unable to breathe. She grasps a bit of reality while hes around. When shes alone again, She races through the night, Searching for the truth, hiding from the past. Its time to quit searching For what went wrong or who is to blame. She holds together all day long But when night falls, Her tears fall like rain, While her heart breaks all over again. Shes suffocating in emotion, unable to think. Time has passed, and shes moved on. Shes got her life back, now happier being alone. Her tears no longer fall, and her hear

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Falling by HiddenMindz, literature

Literature

Falling

this is the story of my life. for the first time these thoughts seem clear. i felt so empty then something happened. you. i like the way you always make me smile no matter what. every breath ive ever taken has seemed like a mistake until now. i can be myself around you. these feeling are dreams i used to long for, wishing i could feel the way i saw others. my past seems so far away, like i could face each day. i have alawys sent the pain to the bottom of my heart suffocating myself and hiding my smile. i feel like i am falling into some unknown wonder that no one knows about. i want to leave this hell of a reality and create my own... wont yo

Dream by HiddenMindz, literature

Literature

Dream

Reluctant to fall asleep, my eyes get heavy, my mind begins to wander and i drift into a special place. A Dream, a place for my mind to escape from reality. The splendor of the sun shining, birds chirping, and stars so bright they touch the heart and connect the soul. One with my surroundings, i feel your presents all around me, interacting with my soul, i am whole and complete. Falling down from the sky, a place called heaven, my body touches the ground and my eyes are closed. Confused as to what happened to my dream i wonder where i am, i feel lost without direction, and no place to call home. Reality sets in and i realize tha

Lost or Found by HiddenMindz, literature

Literature

Lost or Found

i am somewhere out there lost in a dream found through the love of someone i hoped to be true dropped in the flash of lightning picked up with the blow of the wind as i awake i find myself alone in the dessert looking for something thats been lost hoping for someone to find me waiting for someone to love me i look around and i see him he is deep and caring soothing and sweet everything is falling into place before my eyes have i found that one person that ive been looking for has he finally come to me or is is a mirage thats sedusing me only to find out that im meant to be alone.

Confessionz by HiddenMindz, literature

Literature

Confessionz

Despite the carvings in my soul I wish I was with you. Before, I would never wait for anyone. Then you came along. You are all I can wait for. You are the only one who seems to understand The pain and heart ache I've been through. I want so badly to call you my own. Everytime we talk I get nervous and excited and afraid All at once. I know you will be there no matter what. But I am still afraid to let you completely in. I don't want to or try to shut you out, But I don't want to cry painful tears again. I get tired of telling myself that I am ok by myself. I want to be with you. I try to talk to you with out poetry or writing,

Wishing by HiddenMindz, literature

Literature

Wishing

Last night I went to bed thinking about you. Thinking about the little things Like how you open doors And the way you smile And sweet talk me. I remember the way I used to be afraid of letting someone in. I thought about the way Ive always seen things in black and white... Just as they were. I never looked hard enough to see the good in most people until you came along. I thought about how nice it would be To hold you through the never ending sleepless night. This morning I woke up wishing you were with me. Holding me. Wishing that the night had not ended so soon So I could hold onto that feeling of you With me in my dreams.

Him by HiddenMindz, literature

Literature

Him

He takes my breath away with every word he speaks. From a simple tv show to the way he says good night, My heart soars with excitement. Everytime I see him, I fall all over again. I wait the whole day to talk to him When I finally do I cant speak. All that comes to mind is a studder of words that dont seem to make sence. Late at night I sit at my window thinking of him. I wonder what it is about him that has me caught in a web of dreams and confusion. He is honest and sexy Irrisistable and true. Every touch of his skin, Every wisper in my ear, Every dream of him has me mesmorized. Everything about him has me wanting more. I wa

In Unwanted Time by HiddenMindz, literature

Literature

In Unwanted Time

Theres so much about you that I'd love to find out. I want to know what your worst fear is. I want to know what makes you sad. I want to know what makes you happy. Theres so much I want to ask you each time we meet, But everytime I see you, My heart starts racing, And I become speachless. I want to know what your dreams are. I want to know what your biggest secret is. I want to know everything about you and more. Everytime we are together I want to talk. I look in you eyes and wonder what you are thinking. Sometimes you get so quiet, It scares me. Yet it is mysterious and exciting all at once. I know there is more time to find

Fallen by HiddenMindz, literature

Literature

Fallen

You joined the Service to protect me. You made a life changing decision that killed you. You left behind a family. You left so much behind, More than you ever knew. A letter came yesterday, Overwhelming me with joy. It said you were coming home soon. It said you were doing great. This morning you are dead. This morning the world morns for you. This morning I cry over you. This morning the world crashed down and I cry for every fallen marine airman and soldier.

Waiting for a Kiss by HiddenMindz, literature

Literature

Waiting for a Kiss

Day in and day out I wait to see you. When the moment finally comes, My heart races. You've managed to steal my heart in such a short time I cant seem to get my head out of the clouds Long enough to speak to you. My vision blurs each time you walk in the room. My palms get sweaty when I hear your voice. My body shakes when you hold my hand. Each look into your eyes Has me lost in an instant. Everytime I look at you, You seem to glow. It makes me wonder What you are thinking at that very moment. Then that moment passes and we kiss.

Kiss by HiddenMindz, literature

Literature

Kiss

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Deviation Spotlight

My Own Funeral by HiddenMindz, literature

Literature

My Own Funeral

HiddenMindz

Deviation Spotlight

Semper Fidelis by HiddenMindz, visual art

Semper Fidelis

HiddenMindz

About HiddenMindz

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Artist // Literature

United States
Deviant for 20 years
www.myspace.com/hartdreamz
She / Her

Badges

My Bio

Im sick but people say I dont look it. to those i say BITE ME!

www.myspace.com/hartdreamz
www.myspace.com/chronicillfami…

Current Residence: Poway Ca
deviantWEAR sizing preference: small.
Favourite genre of music: Smooth Jazz, blues, soul, rock, and much more
Operating System: Vista
Shell of choice: my own
Wallpaper of choice: Me and Jacob :-)
Skin of choice: My own
Favourite cartoon character: Stewie Foamy and Nutty Zim and Gir and the Sp Quatro
Personal Quote: I stop somewhere waiting for you. - Walt Whitman

Favourite Movies

Top Gun, Remember the Titans, davinci code, lady and the tramp, save the last dance

Favourite Bands / Musical Artists

The Temptations, Lynard Skynard, Tool, Luther Vandross, etta james, billie holiday

Favourite Writers

Dan Brown, Shakespeare

Favourite Games

mario

Favourite Gaming Platform

Nintendo (old school fo' real!) and the new DS LITE

Tools of the Trade

pen and paper, word pad, his love

Other Interests

JACOB! writing, running, pool, yoda... yes thats right, yoda.

Posts

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HiddenMindz

Jan 11, 2011

me vs him

0 min read

"The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides." My eyes are clouded with tears of pain and fear he unknowingly caused. I don't understand how I became so weak and sensitive. Today was full of nothing but bullshit fighting that was pointless. As were the last 3 days. I'm trying to shrug it off as his nicotine withdrawals but that only goes so far. I'm tired of being snapped at and yelled at. All it does is stress me out. It is starting to wear on me and make me even worse.  I'm about at my breaking point. I don't want to cry anymore. God please give me the strength to

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HiddenMindz

Dec 28, 2008

my own gates

0 min read

sometimes i wish i could pass through my own cemetery gate and forget all thats behind me. i hate that i cant work. i hate that jacob feels like its more of a job being here at home than actually being at work. a friend was talking about ending it all tonight and it scared me. that i might lose him. it scared me more that i wanted to end it as well. that i have for a while. im jealous. of most people i know. they dont have to shovel pill after pill after pill and hide tears from a husband who seems to not like being with me. "tears are a sign of weakness" "there can be no tears" is what i keep telling myself. inch by inch the "end" tempts me

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HiddenMindz

May 12, 2008

Just another page in my diary

0 min read

Last night's dream only lasted an hour but its kept me awake since. I woke up having a panic attack and I've begun to wonder if he knows what he is getting into. Is he prepared for the worst? I know if he reads this his response will be "Babe, stop worrying. Everything will be fine." I'm not worried about getting sick again and him leaving though. I'm afraid of it. I can feel it lurking in the dark, waiting to resurface. I don't know how to escape from it. It happened once, whos to say it won't happen again? It happened a couple years ago but the wound still feels so fresh. It still affects the way I sleep and every aspect of my marriage. I w